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Last week, I took a DNA test to see just how genetically compatible we are.

Toronto biotech startup Instant Chemistry offers genetic testing that can help determine compatibility with a potential partner.

It doesn't, for at least three reasons: The first is that worries about settling reveal a selfishness approach to marriage that misunderstands the Bible's idea of love.

"Holding out for true love" as the above quote defines it means demanding a person to whom I am completely attracted in the secular sense, somebody who meets all the qualifications on my "list," and whom I believe is the "best I can do." In the author's mind — and unfortunately in the minds of many single Christians — anything short of finding that perfect match created in one's mind falls short of "true love" and constitutes the sad and unwise act of "settling." Such an approach to love and marriage fundamentally misunderstands the Bible's idea of both.

They think joy in marriage is all about the original choice one makes about whom to marry, rather than how they nurture and build their marriage.

Again, this misses the picture of biblical marriage.

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That may require a pretty radical rethinking of your own approach. If you can manage that rethinking (with the Lord's help), it will drain much of the angst from any discussion about "settling." Another problem with the usual discussion on settling is that it usually reflects two unbiblical beliefs: (1) we can strategize our way around the effects of sin in human relationships and the reality that marriage is hard work, and (2) we can hope to be perfectly, ultimately fulfilled by marriage — or any other earthly relationship.

It's going to happen, and it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

These love stories in miniature are romantic roller coasters: Boy meets girl. Girl has an old boyfriend who's still in the picture.

Again, this is not malicious or evil — it's just not how we're primarily called to treat one another in Scripture. Marriage is incredibly fun; it's also incredibly hard.

For most people it is the greatest act of ministry and service to another person that they will ever undertake.

Good relationships have gone down the tubes or never gotten off the ground because of this issue.

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